Traffic
by aMelodyExists
Summary: off and on childhood stories along with a new case in the life of Spencer reid. Reid centric
1. Traffic

Traffic

Their fighting again. They always are. I can hear them with my door shut and my hand over my ears. It's horrible. Mom says she loves him but it just the Stockholm syndrome keeping us here. They stop. Mom probably gave up on what ever they were fighting about in the first place. He's coming upstairs now I can hear him. I wait and pray, pray he just keeps walking by my door and into his room. It is exactly fourteen steep from the last stair to my room for me that is, it only takes him nine. So I count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. And nine. Ten. I let out a breath, I am lucky tonight.

Tonight is Sunday and eleven thirty six, tomorrow I have school. I organize all my things for tomorrow. My backpack is incredibly heavy I hate putting everything in it. Tomorrow I have life science, calculus, world history, and humanities. Its only two text books and four binder's right. How heavy can that be? Well when you weigh only about ninety or less pounds, your backpack seems very heavy. Once my backpack is all in order I lay out my clothes for tomorrow. A long sleeve shirt, extremely large jeans, and an old burgundy sweater I found in the lost in found. I then go into my desk and pull out cover-up and place it in my bag, some bruises like to show up later on.

I slowly walkover to my bed and lay down. I sigh and look to my side there is the book I had read last night. It's a dictionary. I gave up on the books in our house there was nothing left to read and I was bored. The school does give us books to read but I read those already. And I would rather not read them again. The next word in the dictionary is genial adjective definition: having a kind and good-natured disposition or manner. I close the dictionary and place it back on the floor. I then turn over and look at the glowing red alarm clock, eleven fifty two. I close my eyes and pray that my father does not wake up tonight.

I start my day at five each morning. My alarm goes off and I silence as fast as I can, so I do not wake my father. I head to the kitchen; I have to make breakfast everyday. At exactly five fifty four my father comes into the kitchen. I serve him and wait in the family room for him to finish. He leaves at six thirteen each morning. I return to the kitchen at six twelve and take his dishes to the sink. My mother comes down at six forty two, she makes her own breakfast, and I make my own also.

School starts at eight, and it is now seven zero three. I have nothing better to do so I go back to my room and read another word out of the dictionary. The next word after genial is geniality and this word doesn't count because it means they same thing. So the next word is really genic. Meaning: relating to, consisting of, or produced by a gene or genes. I continue to read the dictionary until I get to the word intolerant. I marked the page and get ready for school. Before I go I check my self in the mirror to make sure there are no bruises visible. There is a little over my left cheek, so I pull out the cover-up and hide the burse.

I walk through the kitchen and right by my mother. It is not even seven thirty yet and she is crying. By eight o'clock she'll be drinking. I don't look at her. I can't. I keep my eyes on the ground and leave my home.

The high school is not far from my house only about a block or two. But in October it feels like miles. I can see my breath and I try to warm my hand with it. When I reach the school my hands are frozen and my shoulders are sore. I reach for the door to the main hallway but, before I can open it someone else does. They bump right into me while they walk in. Some teenaged boy most likely a junior. They always seem not to care about others.

"Sorry kid."

That hurt. Physically yes but mostly emotionally. I hate being called a kid. 'I'm just as smart as you' I want to say but, it never comes out. I doubt it ever will.

It is seven forty three so I go to the library, I need another book anyways. There I find Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky and it seems long enough to last awhile. The warning bell rings after I had read the first chapter. I seal the book and set off for life science. I am the first in my seat but, that's not unusual. I don't think the teacher even notices me. I sit three rows away from the front of the class room. My teacher Mr. Hale made me sit here, where as my other teacher let me sit where I wanted. Even from the third row I could not see well. Not that my eyes were bad it was just that I was small.

Other students file in and my lad partner joins me. Her name is Madison, and she is beautiful. Blond hair, blue eyes, and popular. She doesn't talk to me unless forced to. I don't blame her I wouldn't want to talk to me either. She sits down next tome with her new boyfriend next to her; they smile and laugh at nothing. She gives him a kiss then smirks at another boy across the room. A love triangle. Mr. Hale yells for the students to sit down. They don't, so he yells again, this time the sit. He then takes role. I can't stop looking at Madison. She captivates me, bet I don't captivate her. It's stupid to have a crush on her. I'm to smart to like her, she probably doesn't know the difference between and electron and a proton. It stupid, anyways why would she want to go out with me? I'm just a freak. A nerd and a geek. I am nothing to her but a grade.

"James Patterson?" asked Mr. Hale.

"Here!" said James Patterson

"Spencer Reid?"

I raise my hand high so that he can see it then bring it down quickly. In the process of bring my hand down quickly I hit Madison.

"Sorry, sorry!" I say promptly.

"Whatever." She said back.

Maybe that was on omen that something was going to happen. Maybe not. Well it couldn't any worse then hitting a girl, could it.

Apparently it could. I eat lunch behind the library, and I didn't think any one knew I was back there. That was until Madison's new boyfriend came around the corner with his three stooges.

"Hey kid I heard you were hitting on my girl." Said Madison's boyfriend.

Did he mean literally or figuratively? I was too afraid to ask. I was too afraid to answer but, I don't think they really wanted one. Two of the stooges grabbed my arms and I winced. They pulled me to a locker and I knew what was happening. It has happened many times before. I was just about ready to jump right into the locker then be forced into it. But rather then have them think I was crazy I allowed them to place me in the locked not as gently as I had hoped for though. They shut the door and I could hear them laughing. They stayed for a few moments then left. I stayed in the sealed locker until I was completely sure they were gone. I pushed hard against the door and the locker opened and I fell out.

I really didn't want to go to my next classes but, then again I didn't want to go home. In world history I recuperated and in humanities I relaxed. I loved my humanities class. I had to do nothing I could just read. And I was able to finish Crime and Punishment without stopping. I returned it to the library before I let school. School ends at three ten, and I get home at three twenty one. My father gets home at four seventeen, and my mother started drinking at eight twenty eight.

When I got home my mother was passed out on the couch with I glass of wine in her hand. I gently take the glass from her and dump what was left in it down the sink. I go over to the hall closet and pull out a blanket for her. When she is cleaned up I head to my room and start on my home work.

I heard the door open at four thirty three. This was not good. He did not come home late unless he was mad. He yelled at my unconscious mother for awhile then I heard him come up the stairs. I counted the number of steps, up until the last one then I started over. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…pause…nine.

I prayed.

i hoped you liked it plz r&r


	2. Merge

Merge

I stopped praying after that day. I did not see a reason too. If god really had wanted to save me he would have that night. If god really cared about me he would have stopped my father from leaving and leaving my mother to drown her self in fine wine. It god really loved me he wouldn't have killed Tobias.

I woke up breathing hard. The nightmares had started again. This time they weren't about dead bodies or finding my own body in the rubble of some disaster. These were worse nightmares. These were about me and my father. How he would come home at four thirty three and take nine steps to my room then beat the living hell out of me. I think I would rather find my own body.

My phone rings and I check the time before I open it. Seven o' six AM. I sigh it is most likely Hotch we must have another case. I read the caller ID and I was right it was Hotch.

"Hi Hotch."

"Reid we have a new case get to the BAU a-sap."

"Okay, I'll be right there. Bye."

He did not say goodbye he never does. Our case is; a women shot in her pool. It was Professor Plum. I would much rather that had been the case, just follow some clues and then open an envelope and find out who done it. But of course in the realm of reality life is not that easy.

I walk into the BAU and I can feel it. The eyes on my back the feeling of pity. It is horrible. Turning and telling them not to stare would just make them do it more, so I continue walking with my eyes down. The team is already in the conference room; I walk in and take my set between Gideon and Morgan. Usually if I was late they would tell me but, nowadays it just 'hello Reid.'

Hotch starts talking about our new case. I can't seen to pay attention, there were too many thoughts whirling around in my mind. I think Gideon notices he keep sending glances my way. By the end of our little meeting I feel exhausted. I have to go home and pack, the only thing I herd was we were going to Las Vegas. I don't think I can get home it dose not seem possibly with the way I am feeling. Maybe I should take a cab. Just as I take out my phone, to call a cab, Gideon comes over to me. I set down the phone.

"You don't look so good." He says.

"I don't feel so good." I say back and I decide to tell him why, he probably would have figured it out anyway. "I've been having nightmares again."

"About you're kidnapping?" He asked.

I really wish they wouldn't call it 'kid' napping. Why not adultnapping, or twentyfouryearoldnapping. _Kid_napping makes me feel like a kid. Perhaps it is because kids can not defend them selves against a full grown men or women so people think it can only happens to kids. So why can't a very intelligent twenty four year old man save him self?

I decide to not tell Gideon the truth about my dream and just go with the obvious.

"Yea, but in my dreams I die." I lie.

"They will go away."

He has said this before and they did but, they came back.

I still feel horrible and I really need to call the cab but, Gideon won't leave.

"Do you need a ride home? To get your things?" He's reading my mind again. I know I won't get out of this so I agree.

The ride to my house is slow and quite. I like it, I doubt Gideon likes it. His car is comfortable I bet I could fall asleep. I rest my eyes and it feels so nice.

* * *

I feel a soft arm shake me gently; I lift my eyelids to see Gideon smiling softly and saying something that I can scarcely make out.

"What?" I ask.

"Get up we have to get on the plane. You can sleep on there." Gideon says helping me to my feet.

"What? I-I sill have to get my things." I say panicked.

"I got them already, there packed and on the plan where you should be."

I give in and Gideon helps me on the plane. I walk into the plan holding my head and rubbing my eyes. Morgan is in the seat closest to the door and sees me first.

"Hey sleepy head how was your nap?" He asks like he was talking to a three year old. I grunt and walk to the other end of the plan and lay down over two seats. I lay my head on the arm rest and curl up my body. I listen to the other talking. There soft mumbling sooths me and I don't even care what they are talking about. Even if it is about me. I hear someone come close then I feel the present of a blanket on top of me. It must have been Gideon.

I feel the plane take off, the rumble of the chair causes me to remain awake, then once we settle and the noises quite down and I fall asleep.

* * *

I must have screamed or something in my sleep because when I wok up the whole team was standing above me. I looked at them then looked down I think I am going to be sick.

"Reid you okay?" Asked Morgan.

"I think I'm going to be sick." The team backed off some. Morgan rushed away and came back with a trash can. I took hold of it on either side and began to dry heave, I then vomited. Gideon sat next to me and started rubbing my back. A comforting sense filled me, I felt relaxed. My hands were shaking when I put away the garbage can. I took some deep breaths, and thank Gideon. He must have made some motion or something because a moment later the team left us alone.

"What was it about?" Straight to the point as always.

"I don't know." This in fact was the truth. I could not remember a single detail about the dream.

"You were talking in your sleep, and then you yelled out."

"What did I say?"

"Nothing just a yell."

"Oh, I see. Well thank you." Gideon smiled and left me alone. I was thankful for that. I needed to be alone now to calm my self down and unwind. I leaned into the seat and closed my eyes. I would not go back to sleep. I was too afraid.

When we arrived in Las Vegas it was eighty six degrees. I wiped sweet from my brow and rolled up my sleeves. On my arm were faint bruises from the handcuffs. I gently rubbed my fingers over then and hissed in pain. I just hoped that they would go away faster. I wanted to forget that, put it behind me. I know I never will.

Gideon and I are going the crime scene first. I hear whispering between Hotch and Gideon before we leave I don't want to eavesdrop but I can't help it I want to know what is happening.

"Gideon I don't know if he should be out in the field yet. He seems too unstable to handle it."

"The sooner the better. If I don't make him go out now he never will want to go out again."

"Fine. But take care of him."

They were just looking out for me I know it but it still hurt to be talked about when you are standing ten feet away.

* * *

The woman who was murdered was Eliza Evers. A pretty girl only about twenty six, she had brown eyes and choppy light brunette hair. She had been living with a friend because her father had cut her off. Tuesday, she was supposed to call her mom, she never did. Her mother, Ann, called her friend that she was staying with and they found her in the back yard in the pool. She had died on Monday and then placed in the pool. Eliza was in a cocktail dress and her high heels had sunk to the bottom of the pool.

We first interviewed the friend, Alyssa More. She said she was with her boyfriend all weekend, and had left he house to Eliza. Alyssa told us that Eliza was a very nice person and that no one hated her. Alyssa then bust into tears. We thanked her and left her and went to interview Eliza's mother. Ann said that Eliza and her father fought all the time, and that it wasn't unusual for her not to call often. Gideon asked if any one would want to do this to Eliza. Ann did not answer she just started crying.

Gideon drove us back to the police station, where we were about to give a profile of the man we are searching for. Hotch started.

"The man we are looking for is Caucasian in his mid thirties and has been recently divorced by a brunette. He has a shot temper and we believe has a high education."

"So this guy could be smarter then us?" asked one of the cops.

"Not necessarily." said Morgan. He looked over at me. "He is smart though. He was able to ditch the body and leave no print for us. He also took the murder weapon, and he killed Eliza in one place then moved her to another with out being seen."

"This may suggest he has killed before." Said Prentiss. "I would look into your files, for brunette murders, they may help us find him."

"Thank you for your time." Hotch said as he excused them.

Only a few moments after the cops had left us the sheriff came in.

"There's been another killing."

* * *

This doesn't make any sense." Said Morgan, after looking over the body. "Why change his M.O..?"

The second body was found behind a bowling ally, a blond this time. She was wearing a blue tank top and blue jeans. Her eyes were shot open, they were a piercing blue. They seemed familiar for some reason. She was also shot like the first victim.

"Do we have a name yet?" Gideon asked.

"Yea Anderson."

"Madison." I blurted out. The team looked at me.

"You know her Reid?" Asked Gideon

"No, yes, kind of?"

"Kind of? What does that mean" asked Prentiss.

"We went to the same high school." I said. "But we weren't friends."

"Anyone we can call to find out more about her that you know?"

"Was Anderson her maiden name? "I asked the cop.

"Yes, she's now a Riley." The cop answered.

"Jack." I said sadly I remembered him pushing me into a locker. While remembering I was absentmindedly rubbing my wrist. Once I noticed I eminently put my hand at my sides.

"Morgan, call Garcia see if she can find out any thing on Jack Riley." Said Hotch. Morgan opened his phone and in a few moments I could here Garcia over the phone. We waited for Morgan to close his phone and give us information. He snapped the phone closed and did not look happy.

"This guy could be our un-sub." He said.

"Whys that?" Asked Prentiss.

"Two assaults charges with a deadly weapon, assisted robbery and he knew both victims."

"Let's go find this guy." Said Gideon.

When they finally found Jack it was three fifteen AM, and I was exhausted. I did not want to stay for the interrogation but the rest of the team was. I yawned and lead back in the hard plastic cop chair. I watched them walk Jack into the interrogation room and memories of him came flooding back. I was scarred. My hands started shaking. I needed to get out of here. I went over to Gideon, and asked him if I could leave.

"Are you alright?" He asked me

"Yea, Yea I'm just very tired." I say trying to stay calm.

"Okay, want me to drive you?"

"No I'll be fine I just need to rest."

"Alright I'll see you later."

He was looking at my hands I could tell. I moved them behind my back then left. I needed to get away and out of the police station. I walked outside and felt the cold air on my face. It was nice and relaxing. I decided to walk to the hotel. This was a mistake because half way there my whole body was shaking. Even my teeth started to chatter. I was scarred again. I hated feeling so vulnerable. I opened my cell phone to check the time, three forty six. I put my phone away and hugged my arms.

I didn't want to call Gideon; he had already helped me enough. I just had to keep walking. I was walking faster and faster and when I finally saw the hotel I slowed down.

The man at the check in desk looked at me then at the clock.

"Late night." I said. He smiled and nodded.

I took the elevator to my room. I usually take the stars, I don't really trust elevators. But tonight I was too tired. I side the key card into the door and waited for the beep. Once inside I quickly changed into sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt and got another blanket out of the closet and lay down in the bed. I only took a moment before I fell asleep.

* * *

He had the gun to my head and I couldn't do anything about it. He was going to shoot me and I was going to die. Then I saw my father.

"Dad! Help me please! Please he's going to kill me! Dad!" I screamed. He just stood there smiling at me. He never came to my rescue. The man shot me.

* * *

I was sweating when I woke up. Panting, and terrified. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I lay on the bath room floor crying until I stopped shaking so bad. When I mustered enough strength I got up. All I wanted was to sleep, and I couldn't even do that right. Then I remembered them. I ran to my bag and dug through it throwing everything out. They weren't there. 'They aren't going to be there.' I didn't pack. This Gideon did.

I panicked.

again hoped you liked it and didnt get confused


	3. Yield

Yield

I could smell the alcohol on his breath and when the came close I could feel it burn my eyes. I was on my bed doing homework when he came in. He came right up close to me and hissed into my ear.

"I love you Spencer." I flinched away from and backed myself into the headboard. "Come on baby boy, come here and see daddy." He was slurring badly. He reached out and grabbed on to my arm, hard. I winced and let him pull me off the bed. Once off the bed he pushed me into the wall. With one hand on my left shoulder he hit me with his right. I slap on the face. It stung and my lip quivered a bit.

"Take it like a man." He said. I tried, I really did. Another hit to the face and I didn't let my lip tremble. The next hit to my stomach was unexpected and I let out a small yelp. That was a mistake.

"Shut up! You stupid piece of shit!" One more hit to the stomach and I fell over. As soon as I was on the floor he began to kick me. I squeezed my eyes hard and covered my face with my hands. I allowed a few tears fall and quickly wiped then away before my father could see. I don't want to know what he would do if he saw me crying. A few more kicks to the stomach and he left. I wrapped my arms around my middle and coughed. I stayed on the floor just incase he wanted to come back. Thankfully he didn't.

I pulled my self to my bed and lay down, my mind was swimming and I couldn't stop it. I placed my left hand over my eyes, it was trembling. I put back against my side. I took some calming breathes which wasn't to calming because every time I took a breath my chest hurt. I was so happy that I had finished my homework before. I struggled to drag the blankets over my body without hurting my self even more. Once covered I rested my eyes and fell asleep.

I wake at five and make breakfast; today every one is on time precisely. This makes me feel better. Almost. I leave for school and mother is talking either to the wall or no one. God I hope it was the wall. I know what's happening. It doesn't scare me, it terrifies me. It genetic, and it terrifies me that that is the life I have to look forward too. She starts screaming I think I'm going to cry. I get out of there as fast as I can.

I go straight to my English class, there I can relax and not worry about anyone or thing. There is my sanctuary. My own place to escape. I love my English class it is the best thing I have to look forward to. My teacher Mr. Alan is nice and the students are better then most of my other classes. I arrive at the class room to find it locked. I sigh and sit on a near by bench. It's a bit early, seven thirty six, so he may not come for a while. I wait and eight minutes later he shows up.

"Hello Spencer." He says

"Hi." I say back nervously. I can not talk to someone with out being uneasy, it drives me crazy. Maybe it's because I have no one I can trust.

"How are you today?" Mr. Alan asked.

"Good." A lie "Yourself?"

"Fine, fine. Are you ready for the test?"

"Yea." Actually I wasn't. Too be honest I didn't know there was a test. But most likely I would pass it. As I took my set I noticed Mr. Alan was watching me. I tried to look unfazed but, I knew he would see through that. I reached for my binder for this class and that's when I noticed it. My right sleeve has risen up and bruises were showing. I wanted to jam down the sleeve but that would look suspicious. I slowly reached over my left hand and scratch my right arm, and gently bring down the sleeve. I didn't dare look up at Mr. Alan I knew he would be staring at me with a worried look and that was the last thing I needed.

I wrote down the homework that was on the board to try and waste time. For my favorite class I did not want to be here today. The other students began to come in and I felt a little less insecure. With all the others here Mr. Alan did not just look at me. I was able to relax a bit and it felt nice, that was until Kyle came over.

"Hey kiddy, how's baby doing today?" He asked and his friends laughed with him. Kyle is a sophomore, like me. He is the ugliest thing in the world. He's six one and towers over me, he and his buddies are all one the basketball team, our school has not lost a game yet.

"I asked how you were!" He almost yelled at me.

"Fine." I squeak out. He just laughed at me and took his seat behind me. I hated sitting there. Once class began it got better, the test was easy and then we just went over the vocabulary.

For brunch I went to my next class and sat there. I did not want to meet up with Kyle; if I did he would probably beat me up or put me in another locker. My Latin class was next and if I was late to this class I would get a detention and a referral. And if my father saw that he'd kill me.

Miss. Baker was a nice teacher; she was always smiling and cheerful. It was sad really, with being so nice the students took advantage of her. I sat quietly making sure my sleeves were pulled all the way down. Miss. Baker wrote Latin phrases on the board I could already translate them.

"_Daedalus ipse dolos tecti ambagesque caeca regens filo vestigia. Tu quoque magnam partem opere in tanto, sinered dolor, Icare, haberes. Bis conatus erat casus effingere in auro, bis patriae cecidere manus."_

Which translates to: Deadalus himself released the tricks and riddles of the roof, ruling the dark tracts with strings. You also have a part in a great son if grief allowed, Icarus, he had tried twice to portray the falling in gold; the father's hands fell twice.

It didn't quite make sense, but then again Latin doesn't make much sense.

Today turned out to be a pretty good class. No one could translate the sentences so they all asked me for help. I felt happy and this was nice. They were all laughing and smiling, and then one got me to smile. Her name was Nicole, and I think she let me smile my first smile.

She was I hope I can say this, my first friend. She sat next to me and would always draw pictures, they were usually pretty but today she drew some thing funny. She drew Jason running in to the basketball hoop. I looked at her stunned, if found this he would kill me.

She just smiled and said "well if he does hit his head then hopefully he'll pass out and then you'll have nothing to worry about." It was such a simple answer I didn't comprehend it. I shock my head, she was crazy. She gave me a lug and the told me "if he come to beat you up I'll tell his mom." And I smiled. Nicole the jumped up and yelled. "I did it!" Did what the other asked. "I got Spence to smile!" The room laughed and I covered my face hiding another smile.

Once again I found my self behind the library eating my lunch but today was different I had some one with me. Nicole was with me. She sat with me the whole lunch period. We talked, well mostly she talked. On and on I can't really remember what she was saying. I ate while she talked; she ate while she talked which made it even harder to understand her. I politely nodded and acted as though I understood every word.

"Hey Spence why aren't you talking?" she said out of the blue.

"I have nothing to say." I answered.

"Oh."

The bell rang and I had to go to P.E. I hated that class. My gym sweets were too big and the activities were for fifteen sixteen year olds not ten year olds. Today was a twelve minutes run around the gym then soccer. We stated to run and four minutes into it I was already out of breath. I keep going I had to if I didn't it would just be another thing theses people could hold against me. Finally it was over, or so I though.

Now we had to play soccer and if you did not participate you would get an F. I tried to keep up with the other but it was hopeless. Who needs a good grad in P.E. anyways? I walked to the side of the felid and caught my breath. My gym teacher was not very happy. I would like to see him do these activities though. How can you be a P.E. teacher and be fat. I don't think he could run for twelve minutes without falling over.

Before the period ended we went back to the locker room to change. I waited for every one else to leave before I started to change. I couldn't change in front of everyone it would be too embarrassing. They would laugh at me because my body is not up to scale with my mind.

My humanity is next and I don't have anything to worry about. The class goes by fast and I am out of school at three ten. Once again I get home at three twenty one but today my mother is awake. She is watching the T.V. or at least I hope she is. Her stare is blank. I go over to the T.V. and stand in front of it she doesn't even move. I turn it off and she continues to stare. I wince and climb the stairs to my room.

I began my home work and finished it by three fifty two. My father should be home soon. I just want him to come home on time today. That's all I want. Time goes by and he doesn't come home, it passes four seventeen. Then it passes four thirty three. I worried right now he has never come home this late. At five twenty five I go make dinner, just for me and mom. I make some pasta with meat sauce. It doesn't take long to cook but, still my father is not home it is now five forty eight. I put the pasta into two bowls and call my mother into the kitchen she never came I didn't think she would.

I took the two bowls into the living room where my mother was and placed a bowl in front of her. She didn't notice.

"Mom? Mom I made some dinner. Do you want it?" I asked her softly. She didn't make any motion that even acknowledged me. I lightly touched her shoulder and she freaked out.

"What are you doing?!" Don't touch me!" She screamed at me and stood up suddenly, dropping her pasta. I jumped back and dropped my own bowl of pasta. She keep yelling I don't know what is was about thought. I had covered my ears. She grabbed my shoulders and I yelped. I looked at her she was so mad at me. I started to shake. I closed my eyes I didn't want to see her so mad. Then she stopped. I opened my eye and the then shut then quickly. My father was home. He came over to us and pushed me on to the ground. He yelled at my mother, and then turned to me.

"You little fuck what did you do?!" He screamed at me.

"I-I" I couldn't even speak I was so frightened.

"Shut up!" He kicked me. Mom yelled at him he smacked her. She fell back onto the couch holding her cheek. He turned to her and was about to hit her again. I mustered up enough courage and stood and hit my father. He turned to my surprised. I was just as surprised.

"Oh you're in for it now. Get up to your room." He growled at me. I stood there and looked from him to my mother.

"I won't hit her if you go to your room!" I nodded and as slowly as I could walked to my room. He was going to beat me. I held my middle as I took that walk. I sat on my bed and waited. Tonight I knew there would be nine steps to my room.


	4. Speeding

Sorry for the wait I had a lot going on and then once that was done the computer didn't work…so here it is!

Speeding

* * *

I panicked. I started to breath hard and sweat. My hands began shaking again. I needed them; they were the only way I was going to relax. I slowly stood and went to the bathroom. I was uneasy and my stomach hurt. I ran a bath and splashed my face with water. 

'You do not need this.' I told my self. 'It's stupid and sick.' I need to believe in myself more often. I keep telling myself these things but I'm too stubborn to listen. Even to myself. I know I don't need the drugs I just want them. My bath is done I strip and gently lower myself in to the steaming water. Once my body adjusts to the heat I plunge my head under the water. I remain under the water with silence. It is calming, I open my eyes and the water stings them. I keep them open and I watch the ceiling. As soon as my lungs can't take the pressure I come out of the water and breathe deeply.

I stay in the tub until the water become cold. I climb out and cover myself with a yellow bath towel. I change into a pair of pajamas Gideon packed for me, and an old t-shirt. I lay on one of the twin beds, one for me and one for Gideon. I lay there for about an hour before Gideon comes in. The open door let in light that filled the whole room. Gideon made his movement quite. I heard him open a bag and change, and then get into bed.

"Good night Spencer."

* * *

I never fell asleep that night I kept awake for some reason. Maybe because I didn't want to dream. The next morning Gideon woke me up at seven forty six, and asked if I wanted to go to breakfast with him. I knew he wouldn't take no for an answer so I agreed. We met the team at a small diner around the block from the hotel. I think I walked by it last night. 

We ordered and I thought for sure we were going to talk about the case, but we didn't. They talked about the news, weather, politics, every thing but the case. I never joined in on the conversation. I didn't really want to say any thing. I reach across the table for the maple syrup for my pancakes. I poured the syrup and the top fell off. I quickly grabbed the top and put it back on the container.

I groaned, today was not starting out too good. I then excused my self to go wash my hands. When I came back from the bathroom, I saw some one I thought I knew. I wasn't sure but, I might as well look. When I got over to the counter where she was I knew for sure.

"Nicole?" I asked. She turned around and her face light up.

"Spencer!" She practically screamed. I'm sure the team heard. She jumped up and through her arms around me. "Ohmigod how are you. It's been forever."

"I good Nic what about you?"

"I'm fantastic I just celebrated my daughters second birthday."

"Wow, so are you married?"

"Four years in December."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. So what are you doing here?"

"I work for the FBI, were here investigating a murder."

"Madison's?"

"Yeah, it sad huh?"

"Spence every one hated Madison. You should know that. But still I don't think any one would want to kill her."

"Yeah that's true.

"Oh god," she says looking at her watch. "Sorry but I got to go I'm late. I have to pick up Allison, my daughter at a friends house."

"That's okay it was great to see you Nic."

"You too Spencer." She gave me another hug. "Now take care of yourself."

"Yes mom." I gave her a half smile and she pulled me into another hug and whispered in my ear.

"I did it I got _the _Spencer Reid to smile." Then she left, and I felt happy. I returned to my seat with the team. They were all smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"Who was the lady friend?" Morgan asked.

"A friend for high school and sorry Morgan she's taken even has a kid."

"Damn I thought I had a chance."

"With a girl like that? Morgan you had no chance." JJ said. They laughed.

* * *

We arrived at the station and were stopped at the door by the sheriff.

"Jack Riley was killed after we let him go last night."

"Where is he now?" Asked Hotch.

"Still at the crime scene, I'll take you there now."

We pilled into the cars and drove for about six miles from the station. We got out at a park, and walked across the street from the park and down an ally. Behind the dumpster there was the man who terrorized me for all my high school years. Just like Madison and Eliza he was shot.

"Each murder was different there was hardly any similarities between the killings." Emily said. "The Riley's deaths and Eliza's has no connection."

"Let's see about that." Morgan said pulling out his phone. He dialed a number and waited. "Hey honey can find a connection between the Riley's and Eliza Evers." There was a pause then Morgan smiled. "Ok well we'll see about that when I get back. Thanks darling." He hung up the phone then turned to us. "They all went to the same high school."

They all looked at me.

"Did you know them?" The sheriff asked.

"Not Eliza, I never met her." I answered honestly.

"Were they all friends?" The sheriff asked me.

"I don't know." I just told him I didn't know Eliza what is he doing. He looked at me disbelieving. I watched him begin to open his mouth again and my cell phone rang.

"Sorry." I said walking a few feet away to answer the phone. I checked the called I.D. I wish I hadn't.

"Hello Amy."

"Spencer I'm very sorry but, you mother just had a stoke." Amy said. I almost dropped the phone. Could anything else go wrong? I walked farther away from the team, wiping my eyes.

"Um is she stable?" I can barely speak.

"For now she is. Spencer she was asking for you. Would you like to come see her?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'll come. Thank you." I hung up and rubbed my temples. Once I collected myself I walked back to the team.

"Reid, is everything okay?" Gideon asked.

"Uh no, not exactly. Um I'm goanna need a day off." I looked over at Hotch.

"That's fine." He said give me a worried look.

"Thanks." I say and I just walk away. I don't even look back. I cannot let then see me cry.

* * *

I had called a cab and the ride was slow and quiet. I felt exhausted and angry. Exhausted from no sleep and angry because the cab driver had no idea where he was going. What would have been a half an hour ride ended up as about an hour. He probably just wanted more money. He most likely had a system worked out. Pretend you don't know where you're going and let the meter run.

When I arrived I stayed outside the building. I could not go inside yet. I was too scared. Too scared that she would not recognize me even thought she knew who I was. When I was brave enough, I went inside.

I knew where to go. I went to Amy's desk.

"Spencer! Oh I didn't think we would see you for awhile." She was happy.

"I was here on work." I was not happy.

"Oh dear I'm sorry."

"It okay, c-can I see her now?"

"Sorry their just getting their meds now, could you wait."

"Uh…I could give my mothers hers. If that's okay?" I looked at her hoping.

"Sure. The list of meds she needs is on the door." She was smiling.

"Thanks." I was happy.

I quickly checked the meds mom needed then open the door to the room. As soon as I was in I shut it. I pulled out the drugs that she needed then the ones I needed. I took them from the back row so that no one would notice. I opened my book bag and placed the bottles carefully in. I took four bottles, mostly pain killers. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

No one stopped me that was a good sign. I reach my moms room and I could see her. She looked helpless. Vulnerable, just like me. I stepped into room and she noticed me instantly.

"Spencer. Oh it is good to see you I missed you so much." She was talking to me but she wasn't looking at me. She stared up never at me.

"Hi mom." I couldn't think of any thing else to say. She smiled up at the ceiling. "Um I have some pill for you." I placed the pills next to her on a table.

"Spencer I don't need those."

"I know you don't but let's make the people here happy."

"No! I won't take them!" She was yelling at the ceiling.

"Mom you just had a stroke theses will help." I got up got a glass of water. "Here." I put the water in one hand and the pills in another. I though for sure she would yell again, but she didn't she just swallowed the pills. Then she started talking.

"Your father said he was mad at you. Said you weren't going to a class. I didn't believe him, because you are always in you class. Right?"

"When was this?" I asked curious if this was something she made up or if she was remembering aloud.

"When you were in high school. He went to parent teacher night and your teacher Mr. Hale said that you didn't come to his class any more."

I just stared at her. Those were not memories I wanted to bring up. My breathing was getting fast; I had to get out of there.

"I have to go." I didn't even give an explanation. I just left. I even forgot to say goodbye.

* * *

I called another cab, which drove me back to the hotel. I practically ran to the room. I was shaking so bad I couldn't open the door at first. Once inside I went into the bathroom, closed the door and slid down the door. I emptied my book bag and grabbed the pill bottles. I opened one at a time pouring them all out and counting them. I then put then all back in their bottles. I closed my eyes and picked a bottle at random. I poured some into my hand and brought them to my mouth.

My hand was trembling so bad I dropped a couple of the pills. The one that I didn't drop I put in my mouth and swallowed. I leaned my head back and waited. It took a while, but when I felt then I _felt_ them.

I was scared, utterly terrified and scared; what had I just done. It took me a moment but I finally dug my cell phone out. I called Gideon's phone, and it just rang and rang. When I got to his voice mail I could hardly speak.

"Gideon I'm sorry…sorry. I just wanted to forget. I'm sorry. I want to forget everything, Tobias, my dad, my teacher. I just want to forget everything. I'm sorry…"


	5. Crash

Crash

I listed to those nine steps. I watched as my door swing open and bounced off the wall. I heard my father's loud breathing, like he had just run a mile. I watch him come towards my. I notice his hands. They reach to his belt; the hands undo the buckle and unlace the belt. I watch his mouth move. I see his eyes scream at me. I listen to him yell at me to get on the floor. I feel his hand on my shoulder thrusting me on the ground. I watch him raise the belt. And I close my eyes.

The leather slaps against my small back over and over. This is worse the being kicked or punched. The belt is so much worse. When he started using the belt I knew he hated me. The belt took more energy to hurt someone with. If he didn't hate me so much he would have just punched me.

He's grunting. An awful, hateful grunt. Each time the belt come down he grunts. I rolled me self into a ball but, had no real effect on protecting me. The belt came down on my back and legs leaving livid red marks.

He stops. I hear him breathing hard and fast. I watch him lace the belt and clasp the buckle.

"Stupid fuck." He mumbles on his way out of my room. Once he is no longer in my room I begin bawling. I can't seem to stop the tears this time. It's so hard to face the fact that my father hates me.

I carefully push myself up and on to my bed. I lie on my stomach and cry my self to sleep.

* * *

I woke up at five and I don't think I can stand. My legs hurt so badly, and I can't stand straight because of my back. When I finally am able to stand I begin the process of walking. Each step sends a shock of pain through me I think I almost collapse by the time I reach the last stair. I painfully make it into the kitchen and place myself in a chair. I lay my head on the table and just breathe. I think I fell asleep, because before I know it my father is standing over me. 

"Get up!" He screams. "Make me breakfast."

He sits at the table and kicks the chair I'm sitting in. I push myself up and slowly make my way to the refrigerator. I can't make good food this morning, so instead I open a box of frozen waffle and heat them up with the toaster. I place the warm waffles on a plate and set them in front of my father, along with some syrup. He looks and the waffles then flung the plate at me. It caught me in the face; the plate broke and fell to the floor.

"You little shit you can't even make breakfast right!" He's been yelling at me a morning. He stands and I back up. He takes and giant step toward me and backhands me across the face. I can't take thins anymore. I run. I run out the front door with out my school things. I run all the way to school without stopping. I reach the library and sat on the steps. My watch read six twenty two I had a few hours until school started. I stood from the step and made my way to my biology room. I hoped Mr. Hale would get here soon, it was cold and I didn't have a coat on. I thought about going back home and getting my things, but I didn't want to risk running in to my father. I waited and waited, and at six fifty three Mr. Hale came to his class room.

"Spencer what are you doing here so early?" He asked. I shrugged, and when he opened the door I walked inside. I took my seat next to the empty seat that would soon be occupied by Madison.

"Spencer is every thing alright?" Mr. Hale asked closing the door. He locked the door. This surprised me. Was he going to confront me and get me to tell him what has happened, or did he just want no one else in here.

"I'm fine." I say feeling my voice shake; he can tell I'm lying. He walks over to the window and begins to close the blinds.

"Would you help me?" He asked. I hop off the seat and start shutting out all the light. The over head lights in the room weren't on.

"Do you want me to turn on the light?" I asked.

"No, no it's alright." He said continuing to shut the blinds. I begin blocking out more light and end up next to Mr. Hale.

"There that's good." He pats my shoulder, and I almost flinch away. He doesn't let go. I try to pull out of the hold but he places another hand on my other shoulder. He turned me around facing him. He pushed me back until my legs hit a desk.

"Spencer do you know your beautiful?" He whispers. I want to scream but my lungs aren't cooperating. I want out of here, now. He pulls me close and rubs my back. I cringe and try to push him away. He grabs my wrist and pushed me down onto the desk. He pins to the desk, the takes both of my wrist in one hand and cups my cheek with the other. He leans down and kisses me.

I freak out. I kick and push with all my strength. I want him off me. But he is a grown man and I am a twelve year old boy. In one swift motion he punched me in the stomach. When I gasp for air he kisses me again and forces his tough down my throat. I freeze. I'm scared. He kisses my neck and runs a hand down my side. I can't do anything.

There's a knock at the door. Mr. Hale looks up I take my chance. I pull out of his grip and run to the door. I fiddle with the lock for a moment the open the door to escape. I fling the door open, the person outside jumps back and I run past them.

I wipe my mouth and spit, as I hear Mr. Hale yelling after me. I don't want to be here but I don't want to go home. I stop running, I look back to see if Mr. Hale is following. He's not. I am never going back to that class, ever. I continue walking down the hallway and I start crying. I feel awful, like it was my fault. I know it wasn't but I feel like I should have stopped him faster. I'm walking with my head down and I watch me tears fall and leave little wet spots on the walkway.

I go a little farther until I hit something, or someone I should say. I look up and Mr. Alan is there.

"Spencer? What happened?" He looks worried. I look down and try to wipe my tears away. "Spencer?" He kneels down to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I jerk away from him and he stands up. "Come on lets go." He pushes me in a direction and I follow him.

We walk to his class room and I don't want to go in. He walks inside and leaves the door open with me standing there.

"Spencer please come in." It was like he was begging me to come in. I cautiously took a step inside the sat in the desk closest to the door. I look at Mr. Alan and he looks at me then stands up. I watch him not letting him leave my sight. He goes over to his book shelf and pulls out a book, then brings it to me.

"This is my favorite book I think you'll like it." He hands me Lord of the Flies by William Golding. I take it gently and read the summery. It sounds interesting. Mr. Alan goes back to his desk and I open the book. I read until his first class comes in. I glance at Mr. Alan and he just nods and smiles at me. I lower my head and continue to read.

The class proceeds and I listen and read at the same time. I know all the answers to the questions Mr. Alan is asking, I want to say them but I don't want to get someone mad. I had finished the book by fourth period so I asked Mr. Alan for another.

"Uh…Mr. Alan?" I approached him sitting at his desk.

"Yes?" He smiled at me.

"I'm done with the book." I handed it to him.

"Oh, already?"

"No I finished it about an hour ago." I was looking down. He laughed a little.

"Would you like another book?"

"Yes." He stood and when back to the book shelf took another book and gave it to me. The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. I thanked him and returned to my seat and began reading. After awhile the bell rang for lunch. I didn't know if Mr. Alan wanted me to leave so that he could go to lunch, but I didn't want to go. I did not want to see Mr. Hale.

"Are you hungry Spencer?" Mr. Alan asked. I jumped a little the nodded. "Did you bring any food?" I look at him and shake my head. Ok what do you want I'm buying?

"I-I-I don't know."

"That's okay I'll bring you some thing good okay?" He paused. "Do you want to come with me?" He asked softly.

I didn't know. I would be afraid that Mr. hale might come in while Mr. Alan is away but I might see Mr. Hale when I leave. I chose to go with Mr. Alan, because if I saw Mr. Hale Mr. Alan would be there for me.

We went around the back of the cafeteria to get our food. Mr. Alan pilled food onto his try and paid the cafeteria lady and took me back to his room. Thankfully I did not see a glimpse of Mr. Hale.

We returned to the classroom and Mr. Alan once again left the door open. I took the same seat as before and Mr. Alan turned the one in front of me around and sat.

"What do you want?" He asked laying out the things he bought. I wanted the chicken sandwich but, I couldn't reach for it. I wouldn't touch anything unless Mr. Alan gave it to me. I think he must have read my mind because he handed me the chicken sandwich.

"These are my favorites." He gave me the sandwich and took the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I carefully opened the tightly wrapped sandwich and quickly began eating. I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday.

I took the largest bits I could, trying to eat before something made me leave. I could imagine Mr. Hale coming in and asking to see me. I gasp when I comprehend that Mr. Hale stole my first kiss, I will never have another. Or my father wanting to know why I didn't go to all my classes. He would come and start yelling push me back and beat me like he does every day. Then Mr. Hale would join in punching me and even worse kissing me. My thoughts got me so overwhelmed I didn't even realize I was crying.

"Spencer?" Mr. Alan gently asks. I drop my half eaten sandwich to the desk and carry on crying. I don't even try to stop them this time I know I won't be able to. I hate my life.

"Spencer." Mr. Alan places a hand on my shoulder and I jump away. I don't want anyone touching me ever again. I sand and back away from Mr. Alan. Mr. Alan also gets up and takes two steps towards me falls to his knees and hugs me.

I push away at first, then realizing he will not let go I relax into his arm. I wet his shirt with fresh tears. It feels so nice to be held, to just have some one hold you and not want to hurt you. For my first hug it has to be the best.

* * *

Sorry for the wait caught up in life i guess 


	6. Break

Break

I watch my stomach rise and fall rapidly. I was leaning on the bathroom door, dieing. Where was Gideon? Did he get my message? Or maybe he doesn't care. Why would he care? I began to cry; my breathing became even move hastened. I was so caught up in crying I didn't hear the door open.

"Spencer?" It was Gideon. I knew he cared. I tried to yell out to him but I had no voice. "Spencer!" He almost screamed. I used what strength I had to kick against the bathroom door. I heard the footsteps get closer then he tried to open the door. I was sitting in front of it making him unable to do so.

"Spencer!" Gideon pushed and I fell to the ground. He pushed the door open the rest of the way and knelt down to me.

"Oh god Spencer what did you do?" He gently pushed me into the sitting position. I couldn't say anything, he looked at me and I could tell he was disappointed. Gideon pulled out his phone and dilled a number, it most likely was an ambulance. My eyes were getting heavy I knew this was bad I couldn't fall asleep. Gideon must have noticed because he reached toward me and slapped me. Hard.

I was shocked, was he mad at me, of course he was mad at me but did he have to hit me. I winced and prepared for him to hit me again. He brought his hand up and I thought for sure that he was going to hit me again. Instead he rubbed his thumb over my cheek. At first I flinched then I relaxed into the touch. He wiped my tears and he started to dry.

"Don't die Spencer. We all need you here." He was pleading for me. I began to cry more. I didn't want to die.

I heard the sirens outside Gideon told me to hold on a little longer. I felt his hand slip into mine. He held it tight even when the paramedics came up.

"Sir you have to let go now." One of the paramedics told Gideon. He released my hand and I lost the comfort and safety of him. I could feel my body begin to shake I was going into shock. I heard the rush of voices and the touch of people. Then I heard and felt no more.

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes only to be met with a blinding white light. I hear voices around me yelling. I can't make out make out what they are saying though. I struggle to say something but nothing comes out. Suddenly there is a pressure at my mouth then a tube is forced down my throat. A familiar prick is at my arm, liquid is injected and my body goes numb. My eyes begin to darken around the edges then I am engulfed in a clam dark.

* * *

Once again I awake to bright. I close my eyes to shield myself from the light. My throat is sore I cough and only make it worse. There is an IV in my arm. The present of a needle is calming. I then sneer at myself. How could I think that? I feel awful. I attempt to sit up but my stomach protested. I lay my head back and open my eyes. This time I keep then open. I look around the small hospital room; I wonder if the team got me a private room?

I cough again and my memories come flooding back. I feel sick I want to throw up. I sit up against my stomachs will, and dry heave. I want to throw up, I need to throw up. I cough some more and continue to heave. I hear a noise at my door I look up to see Gideon there. My body shakes and I start to cry. He comes over to me and sits down next to me. A hand is placed on my shoulder.

"Easy Spencer. You have to calm down." He says this all very quietly so I have to strain to hear him over my sobs and heaving. He continues to say soothing things as I control my breathing. Once I can breath through my nose Gideon pushes me down onto the hospital bed.

"I'm so sorry." I wheeze out.

"I Know, I'm sorry too."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

"You shouldn't have to help me."

He just looks at me. I see tears well up in his eyes. I turn away I cant see him cry. If he cries I'll lose hope…though I think I already have.

* * *

The next day Morgan visited me. He walked in and just stared at me. The pity of his gaze fell on me. I shied away from his eyes.

"Sorry." I say this even though I don't now why.

"Reid…" he stopped heaved a sigh then continued. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you." His eyes were pleading for an answer.

"You couldn't have helped me." He really couldn't have. He was not there to save me from that monster Mr. Hale. He did not know how sick I felt when I think about my childhood. There was no way he could have stopped me this time. This was only a matter of time.

"Spencer?" I looked over at him. "Why ya' do it."

I thought for a moment.

"I didn't like remembering." I said straight to his face. He just looked down and shook his head and I think he was going to cry. Morgan walked out of the room.

I made another person cry. I put my head in my hands and cried.

A noise caused me to glance up. Gideon was in my doorway. I tried to wipe away my tears but they kept falling. Gideon silently strode over to the bed and placed a hand on my tear stained cheek. He wiped away the new and old tears.

"It will be okay. I am here. I will help you Spencer, you just have to trust me. Okay?" His words are gentle and I know he will help me. I just have to trust him. Right?

* * *

I heard the team argue with the doctors. The team wanted me back with them. But the doctors said I needed to be looked after. Gideon said he would look after me.

"You have to be with him twenty-four hours a day you know that right?" said one of the doctors.

"Yes. I will be, do not worry. I have only the best intentions for Spencer." I can hear the worry in his voice, he afraid that he wont be able to take me with him.

"Alright you may take him but, keep him away from any medication. If he has a head ach be sure you are the one giving him the pills. Also keep him away from sharp objects, and I would suggest no work for a while."

I could tell that comment was for Hotch.

Gideon stepped into the room.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yes." I say firmly.

* * *

Gideon took me back to the hotel where we had been staying. I stood in the doorway not wanting to go in.

"Come on were just going to get our things then we can get out of here."

I tilted me head a bit. "Where are we going?"

"Back to Virginia."

"No!" I shout.

"Huh?" Is all Gideon can say.

"We didn't even solve the case."

"It's okay they can handle it by them selves."

"But…I wanted to help." I whisper the last part. Gideon looks at me; his eyes are squinted a bit.

"Okay we can stay but I'm making sure you don't do any hard work."

"Okay." I say with a small smile.

"Get your things."

I collect my clothes and shoes from the closet. I think I have all my things then I remember my toothbrush. I go towards the bathroom and stop. I feel Gideon's eyes o n my back. I turn to him.

"Um. Would you get my toothbrush for me?" I'm a little embarrassed to ask.

"Of course." He says smiling; he goes into the bathroom then returns with his and my toothbrush. I thank him and place the item in my bag.

We leave the hollow hotel room, only to replace it by another. I unpack my recently packed items and this time I am able to walk into the new bathroom

* * *

Like Gideon had promised he never let me out of his sight. I don't blame him; I'm suicidal now I'm not a stable person. Also he's now letting me work at all and I'm going crazy with nothing to do. The team won't look at me without pity, and now I cant even look at them.

Today we are going to interview people and Gideon said I could help with that I was so thankful I didn't even ask who it was.

Together Gideon and I walked into the police station. I got some looks but not much, which relived me. Gideon took me to the end of a long hallway where there was a door that opened up to a small room where the rest of the team sat.

"Good now that were all here let's start."

They talked but I did not listen. I didn't know if they all wanted me here, or if they were just humoring me. I had to prove to them that I could still do my job. I went over what I knew about the case in my head.

Three murders, all went to the same school, my school. Madison and Jack seem to be the only ones connected. Eliza may have been a friend but Jack and Madison have to be the main subject. Maybe Eliza saw something she shouldn't have.

I'm so lost in though that I don't hear Hotch tell us that our suspect is here. A light touch on the shoulder from Emily wakens me. At first I jump but immediately clam down. I follow the team out Gideon behind me. I see the cop escorting a man in hand cuffs down our way. The cuffed man looks somewhat familiar. The man lifts his head and I almost scream.

Mr. Hale looks right at me, and smiles. I run.

"Reid!" Hotch yells after me. I wont stop I cant stop. I hear footsteps following me. I run faster.

"Spencer! Stop!" It's Morgan. I turn a corner and slip. I stumble a few steps and try to continue to run but Morgan has caught me. He pulls me in by my wrist. I struggle against him.

"Reid, Reid stop!" Morgan is almost yelling at me but it's not an angry yell it's a scared yell. I still pull try to free myself from him and this awful memory.

"Spencer?" Gideon asks in a soft voice. "You have to clam down. Let him go Derek." Morgan looked unsure, but trusted Gideon and let me go. I stumbled backward and leaned on the nearest wall. I sunk to the ground pulling my knees in tight to my chest.

"Spencer what happened?" Gideon asked with the same soft voice.

"Please don't let him touch me…Please." I whisper out holding back tears.

"Oh god." Morgan cursed under his breath.

"Who?" Gideon wanted to know. My eyes shifted to the way we had come.

"The man in the handcuffs." I say so quietly I don't really know if I said it.

"Spencer do you know who that is?"

"ya."

"How"

"He was my teacher."

"What's his name?"

"Mr. Hale."

"The one you mentioned in the phone call?"

"Ya."

"What did he do to you?"

"No." I mumble.

"What was that?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?" I think Gideon was getting irritated.

"Because…because that would make it real."

"Spencer what ever happened was real, you can't just make it go away."

"But I can pretend."

* * *

I never told then what happened. I couldn't. but I think they figured it out. Gideon took me back to the hotel, where I lay on the bed with my eyes covered. I did not ant to remember anything anymore. I hate my life. Now I really did want to die.

* * *

sorry for the wait! so it seemes you can break a computer when you throw it! 


	7. Swerve

Swerve

I stayed in Mr. Alan's class for the rest of the day. Mr. Alan's hug had calmed me down somewhat. I sat in the same seat and read until the last bell rang. When I heard that bell I looked pleading at Mr. Alan. I did not want to go home now, not ever. I think he could see that.

"Spencer would you like to come to my house?" He said reading my mind.

"If it's not too much trouble."

"Of course not. My wife and I love company." He starts to gather his things.

"Ready?"

"Ya."

I followed him out of the classroom then off campus. I keep thinking we were going in a car but he never stopped at a car. His house was not far from the school, which surprised me. I thought teachers would wan to get as afar away from the school as they could, I know I would.

"Here we are."

It was an old house covered in vines. The once white fence looked as if it would fall over any moment. Drapes covered the inside of the windows, and the front door hung crooked. But despite all this it fell like a home. Mr. Alan opened his door with a good push and some dust flew into the air. The door opened to his living room. It looked like a library; books covered the entire wall, stacking on the floor, hiding between seat cushions, and propping up a table.

"Well this is home. Come on in, and I'll get you a snack."

I walked behind Mr. Alan into his kitchen. Just like the living room books were scattered everywhere.

"What do you want? I can make you soup or something."

"Soup sounds good." I say softly. Mr. Alan smiles.

"Have a seat Spencer, grab a book."

I sat at a small round table covered in words. I reached over mountains of books to get to the one I wanted. Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov. I started reading when Mr. Alan clicked the burner on for the soup. I could smell the soup after a few minutes, chicken noodle I think it was. The burned clicked off and I shut the book. I glanced at Mr. Alan, he took a few steps and opened a cabinet and pulled out two blue bowls. He ladled the steaming soup into each then joined me at the crowded table. He picked up some books and dropped them on the ground. I give him a weird look. I have never seen teachers treat books that way. All my teachers say books are precious and you should never drop them, so why could Mr. Alan break these rules.

"Here you go." He said placing the soup in front of me putting the spoon in the bowl.

"Thank you." I say bring a spoonful of hot soup up to my mouth. We eat together in silence, spoonful after spoonful. Then the front door slammed open. I jumped and spilt soup down my shirt.

"Lucy?" Mr. Alan calls out.

"Ya Hun?" A vice answered back.

"Nothing just making sure it was you." He then turned to me. "Stay here okay?" I nod.

I listened to the muffled voices talk. I thought for sure she would be mad. Her husband had brought home a kid from school without asking her. The voices never yelled though. Mr. Alan came back in with who I must assume was Lucy. She was a blue eyed and her blond hair almost made it to her waist.

"Hi I'm Lucy." She smiled at me. I couldn't speak for a moment, and when I could I could only mutter out my name.

"Spencer."

Her smile was blinding. It worked its way from her lips to her eyes. She took a quick look around and turned to Mr. Alan.

"Did you try and cook?" She seemed shocked.

"Ya, just some soup."

"Wow, I'm impressed."

"Lucy, come on." Mr. Alan groaned, and Lucy laughed.

I spent the rest of the day there. Lucy and Mr. Alan, whose name I found out was Charlie, fused over what to eat for dinner while I pretended to read a book.

I sat on the couch hiding books listening to them talk. They were so at ease. No worries and no fights. They were in love; something that I think my parents must have been at one point. They gave soft touches and sweet kisses, all something I wish my parents would still do. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was me who took away their happiness. Perhaps when I was born all those kisses and touches were gone. It was my entire fault. I began to cry

I must have made a sound because soon Lucy and Mr. Alan were standing over me. I tried to push away the tears but failed. I couldn't look at them; I couldn't show how weak I really was. There was a dull thud and when I looked up I saw Lucy kneeling in front of me. She even cried pretty.

Suddenly warm arms wrapped around me. Lucy pulled me close into her and kissed the top of my head. She shifted so that she was now sitting on the couch with me. I leaned into her and tears still fell.

"Shhh, it's okay. It will be alright." She whispered. Another weight joined us on the couch and another pair of arms encircled us. Mr. Alan stroked my hair, and it felt so nice to have some kind of affection.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up in a different place. I was in a small bedroom; even though it was dark I could still see the wall, which once again were filled with books. I lifted myself off the bed and it squeaked loudly. I wondered if I woke anyone it seemed pretty late. When I heard footsteps I felt bad. I sat back on the bed and it screeched again. And the door to the room opened.

"Oh your awake." Lucy said stepping into the dark room, and flicking on the light. "Are you hungry? You slept right through dinner."

"I did?" I paused. "What time is it?"

"Oh around eight thirty."

"Oh no."

"Oh no what? Are you hungry? Cuz I can heat up what we had earlier, it's no problem."

"No, no I-I have to go." I was worried now. Eight thirty! This is not good.

"Go? Go where?" I worried her now.

"Home." I try to walk past her, but she stops me.

"Spencer please stay here tonight." It was like she was begging me to.

"No I can't." I push past her and head towards to door.

"Spencer?" It was Mr. Alan. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Please, your welcome to stay here." He's begging too, Lucy came to stand behind him.

"No, I need to get home." I start for the door again but Mr. Alan stops me. He grabs my wrist and I yank it from his grasp. I turn and run out the door.

I run until I reach my house, it is not nearly as pretty as Mr. Alan's. I hold my courage and go inside.

As soon as the door opens my father is there.

"Where the fuck have you been!?" Hs screams at me before I set a foot in the house. He grabs my shirt and pulls me inside. He slams the door and I see the hinges bounce off the wall. He then throws me into the door.

"I'll ask you again, where were you!"

"T-t-tutoring." I am able to stutter out.

"Don't fucking stutter!"

"Sorry sir." That took so much not to stutter but I did it. I close my eyes and I just want this to be over with.

"Go upstairs." He growls. I nod and walk up the stairs then take the fourteen steps to my room.

I wait for my father on my bed, but that is all I do I wait. He never comes up. I am so afraid to look outside my room for him. But if he doesn't want to beat me tonight I am fine with that. I lie down and feel a bit happier about my life. I feel myself begin to drift off when my door flings open reveling a very drunk man. This man just so happens to be my father. I can smell him from here. So that's what he was doing, getting drunk.

"You little shit. This is all your fault!" He yells. 'I know' I want to say because it probably is may fault, even though I don't know what I have done. My father stalks over to me and picks me up by my neck. I chough and cough, only to anger him more.

"What do you think your doing?" He spits in my face. He drops me to the floor and kicks me in the ribs. Hard. I gasp reaching to hold my newly bruised torso. Before I could even touch my chest another kick was placed there. The man who I now I refuses to call my father is on my chest punching my face turning it left to right, left, right, there goes my jaw, left.

He gets off me and I groaned and try to role over and escape the mans powerful hits. He stumbles away and goes into my closet and pulls something out. The man comes back with my baseball bat, which I had never used. He raises the bat and brings it down on my legs. I scream out in pain. It's funny that the first thing this bat has ever hit was a boy and not a ball. The bat comes down again this time on my hip. Another scream and he yells at me.

I vaguely wonder where my mother is, or what she I doing while this man kills me. The man puts down the bat and reaches for my right arm. He lays it out flat the grabs the bat once again and smashes my hand. My toes curl as I yelp. The man laughs.

I'm dying. Is this what it feels like? Well it could be worse. These are the las the last words I think before it all goes black.

* * *

I woke in a soft bed, when I opened my eyes I had to shut then right away. The bright light above me burned my eyes. Slowly I reopened my eyes. This time I am able to keep them open. I look around and find my surroundings unfamiliar. I hear voices all around me, and I speaker going off. 'Code blue, code blue' a hospital? Who would bring me to a hospital? I know that man would not, speaking of which where is he? I really just want some answers. That's when Mr. Alan comes in.

"Oh thank god." He says quickly. "Spencer I'm so glad your okay." I try to open my mouth but it won't open. "He broke your jaw. Try now to move your mouth okay." I nod. And make a motion for a pencil and paper. Mr. Alan understands and leaves for a moment returning with a pad of paper and a pen. He hands them to me and I reach for them and my right burns with pain.

"Use your left, your right hand is broken."

I switch hands and find it very hard to hold the pen. My normal handwriting is neat; these left handed words are sloppy and almost illegible. I write a note to Mr. Alan.

'What happened?'

"After you left I decided to come after you. But I had no idea where you lived. So I had to go back to my house and look up your address then I went to your house and found your father beating you."

'Where is he?'

"With the police."

'And my mother?'

"She's outside the doctors won't let her in."

'Why."

"Don't worry you can see her soon but just not right now."

I underlined 'why'

"She had a psychotic break when she saw you. She will be able to see you just not right now, okay?"

'Okay.' I took a breath. 'Are you mad?'

"Yes." I flinched away. "Not at you, at your father." He says quickly.

'He's not my father.'

"No he's not."

* * *

I stayed for a week in the hospital. I found out that I had a broken wrist and four broken fingers, two broken ribs and one cracked, my legs were so badly bruised that I couldn't walk. While I stayed there either Mr. Alan or Lucy would stay with me at all times. I was able to see my mother after a few days but when she saw me she broke. It was my fault.

Mr. Alan brought me my homework, which kept my mind off things. He would also work in my hospital room. I asked him if I could help.

"Here you can grade these for me." He said handing me a stack of quizzes. I smiled and started correcting.

"Mr. Alan?"

"Yes Spencer."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course. What is it?"

"Um it's about Mr. Hale."

"What about him?" His voice showed worry.

"Uh the day I ran into you, I was running from him." I am looking down at my hands.

"Why?"

"He, He. I didn't want him to, I swear."

"What did he do Spencer?"

"He-He kissed me."

"Oh God." He put his head in his hands; I rubbed my temples with my palms trying to keep my tears. Mr. Alan stood up suddenly. "Damn it!" Then he walked out, I let my tear flow. I shouldn't have told him that.

* * *

Mr. Alan returned later that day. I wouldn't look at him.

"Spencer I just want you to know that it is not your fault."

"Then whose is it?"

"Its Mr. Hale. He never should have touched you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't help you."

"It's okay you've helped me enough." Mr. Alan looked at me shocked.

"I haven't helped you enough." Mr. Alan said, he seemed as though he was going to start crying, then he did. When he cried I cried.

* * *

There was a big discussion on where I was to go once out of the hospital. I heard conversations on weather or not to send me to foster care or maybe find a relative. I told them I had no other relatives. Then Mr. Alan spoke up.

"I'll take him."

They called child services, and in a few days I would be able to go and live with Mr. Alan. I had never felt happier.

I returned to the vine-covered house with a crooked door. I loved it there. I was finally able to live.

* * *

hey ok so i need so feed back cuz i can leve this part here and finish with the next chap or i can try and go on so tell me what you'll think!THX!  



	8. Skid

Skid

Gideon wouldn't let me go back to work. So I didn't talk to him. We sat in the hotel lobby; he read the paper, while I look up. I studied the tile work on the ceiling. There was nothing I wanted to do.

"Spencer?" I looked over at Gideon; he had folded his paper down. I tilted my head to the side a bit telling him to go on.

"Would you like to do something today?"

I shake my head.

"Anything?"

I think for a moment the take the paper from him. I gesture for a pen, Gideon gets up and goes to the desk and returns with a pen. I scribble in the margin what I want to do.

_I want to see my parents_.

"Where is your father? I know where your mother is."

_Not them!_

"Who then?" He is confused now.

I write down an address.

"You want to go here?"

I nod.

"Okay let's go."

* * *

.

We drive for an hour. I have my head half way out the window for most of the ride. When we get close I sit up and role up the window. I see my home, and it hasn't changed.

We get out and go to the door. I reach for the door and try to open it, but it's locked. I bend over and reach under the welcome mat and the key is still

there. I unlock the door put the key back and slam the door open. Gideon jumps a bit. I walk in and the books are still there. No one is home. I go though the kitchen and then to

my old room. Nothing has changed. My things were just how I left them. I smile a bit. I leave my room and Gideon follows me around. I return to the family room and sit on the book-infested couch and grab a book and a pen. I open the book to a page and write a note to Gideon.

_Some one will be here soon, have a seat, and a book._

We sit together reading until the door burst open. I look to see who it is, it's Lucy. I stand up to greet her.

"Spencer!" She yells. She then run over to me and latches herself around my neck. "Oh I have missed you so much! Let me call Charlie okay." She jumps of me and then notices Gideon.

"Hello?"

"Hi." Gideon says nervously. "I'm Jason Gideon." He introduces himself sticking out his hand.

"Lucy Alan." She says shaking his hand. "So he the one you talked to us about, right?"

I nod.

"Spencey why aren't you talking?" I bite my lip. I take the pen once again and write in the same book.

_Can we wait for Charlie?_

"Sure. I'll call him now." She disappears for a moment then returns saying that Charlie will be here soon. I feel better knowing that he is coming.

While we wait Gideon and Lucy talk and I read, even though I have already read this book.

The door slams and Charlie appears in the doorway. I get up and go to him and fall into a much-needed hug. He wraps his arms tightly around me, whispering soft word and gently rubbing my back.

Once I feel better I release him. He guides me back to the couch.

"Spencer what happened?" I can't lie to him, I never could.

"I'm sorry." I am able to whisper out.

"Sorry for what?" He asks.

I turn to Gideon. "Will you tell them?" I beg him I do not want to say anything.

"I think it would be better if you told them." I knew he would say that.

"I'm so sorry. I-I." I take a breath. "I tried to-I tried...I'm so sorry." I can't look at them. I hear Lucy gasp. I didn't even have to say it.

"No, No Spencer. Why?" Lucy cried.

"My mother, she had a stroke and I went to see her," I began to ramble. "She began to talk about my father and Mr. Hale. I just couldn't take it anymore." I spilled out.

I cried and shook. Charlie and Lucy put their arms around me.

"Spencer did you tell them what happened to you with Mr. Hale?"

"No. I never told anyone else. And I don't want any one else to know!" I spit out.

* * *

.

I went to my room after I had clamed down. Charlie told me to go rest but I wasn't tired. I sat by my door and listened to the conversation between my real parents and Jason.

"Why does Spencer call you his parents?" Gideon asked.

"Well when he was ten we adopted him." Lucy answered.

"What? he never told any one about this,"

Charlie stayed quite.

"It's okay you can tell them." I spoke from my bed.

"Are you sure?"

"Ya, he should know."

Charlie paused then spoke my story. the voices were softer, trying to become invisible to my ears.

"I found him being beaten by his father one night, brought him to the hospital and I would not let him go back there." Charlie explained.

"What about his mother? Was she still stable?"

"No, she broke down when I found him that night."

"Awful."

I hated when people talked about me like I wasn't there.

"When…when did Spence try to uh… well you know?" Lucy was nervous.

"Four days ago."

"They let him out already?" Asked Charlie.

"I promised to stay with him at all times and they let him out."

"How?" Lucy asked her voice shook.

"Huh?" Gideon was confused.

"How did he do it?"

"Oh, pills. Though I'm not sure where he got them."

"Oh."

"I would like to know why he did it though and you seem to know." Gideon asked Charlie.

"That's up to Spencer. He never told anyone but myself, even Lucy doesn't know."

"I see it must have been bad."

"Ya. It was. He told me when he was in the hospital days after it happened."

"This man we are talking about, Mr. Hale, he is one of our suspects. Spencer saw him and wanted to come here."

"Damn it! Why can't that son of bitch stay out of his life!"

He scared me; I had never heard him yell, not once. I stood up and opened the door to greet the others. I took a deep breath, I knew I was going to have to tell him sooner or later. I guess now was that later.

"Mr. Hale molested me when I was ten, before Charlie got me." I was in a monotone.

Gideon just stares at me. Lucy begins to cry even more. Charlie gives me a small smile. Hate my self.

* * *

.

We stayed for I bit longer after I told Gideon about what happened. I didn't want to leave but Hotch called he needed Jason there now. so I said my goodbyes and gave hug and then we left.

Another silent car ride back to the new crime scene. Another student from my school. Andrew Black. I didn't know him either. He had been dead for a while, so the killer could have been Mr. Hale. I hope it was.

We found him in an old apartment. His upper body over the bed and his knees holding him up. He was posed like this. I stood in the room looking at the body. His arms were stretched out like her was trying to grad something. I look across from the body and there is a small closet. I stride over, put on a latex glove and open the closet.

She screams at me.

I jump back and stumble to the ground.

"Please don't hurt me! Please!" She screams. Then she stopped. I look at her wide eyed.

"Reid what happened?" Morgan stepped into the room follow by other agents. I was still on the floor bewildered. The woman stood up wobbled and yelled at Morgan.

"Pleases help me!"

"Ma'am calm down he is gone you have nothing to worry about." Morgan said approaching the distressed woman. She glances around the room and she must have seen Andrew.

"Oh God Andrew." Then she passes out. Morgan catches her then helps two other men carry her away.

I was still on the floor when Hotch came over to me.

"You okay?" He asks helping me up.

"Ya just, taken back a bit."

"How did you know she was there?"

"I didn't. I noticed that the Vic was toward the closet and looked like he was reaching for something." I shrugged.

"Good work."

I gave him a small smile. I follow Hotch out of the room to join the others. Emily is talking with the woman who was just woken up. When she was done she came over to us.

"Her names Sara Fisher, 26, lived with Andrew they were engaged."

"Did she go to the same school?" Asked Hotch.

"No, which would be why the unsub didn't kill her. Maybe he's targeting only people from the school."

"That's good now all we have to do is see who would have a grudge on all these people." Said Morgan.

* * *

.

Once back at the station we began calling people from my school. I really didn't want to talk to anyone from there. The only person I would not to talk to would be...Nicole! I hurried to a phone just to realize I didn't know her number. There was a list of name that Hotch had I took it from his hands without asking and looked up her name.

"Reid what are you doing?" He asked.

"I want to make sure my friend is alright." I say quickly. I found her name and rushed back to the phone. It rang and rang then she answered.

"Hello?"

"Nicole? It's Spencer."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Well I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Oh, because of...well you know."

"Ya just be careful okay."

"I will, and you don't have to worry about me, I'm a big strong girl."

"Don't I know it." I gave a small laugh. "So call if you think anything going on alright."

"Will do. Bye Spencer."

"Bye." I hang up.

"So she's okay?" Hotch is waiting for the booklet of numbers.

"Ya."

"Good."

We continue to call and no one has been attacked or threatened. Sometimes I hated my job.

I was frustrated I wanted so badly for this guy to be Mr. Hale. I wanted him to never rear his ugly head again. I excused my self to use the rest room. Gideon looked at me worried. I just nodded to him, I wasn't gonna try anything. I reached the bathroom and stand in front of the sink and washed my face. I heard the door open and another man walked in. I continued to wash my face and hands until my hands were red.

"You're going to rip your skin open." The other man said.

"Hmm."

I cupped water with my hands and splashed it onto my face.

"You're still as beautiful as ever Spencer."

I whirl around to see the man I hate. He lays a hand on my shoulder. I freaked out. I push and kick him. He pushed me hard and I fell back. Then he's on top of me. Straddling my waist, his hands holding mine down. My wet face if dampened more by the wave of fresh tears.

"Now now don't cry." He let's goes of one of my hands but quickly grabs it with the other, holding both my hands in one of his. His free hand reaches for my face he wipes my tears away. I jerk away from his touch.

"Oh Spencer I missed you so much you have no idea." He grabs my jaw and kisses me. Tears stream and I want to die. I feel his tongue at my lips. I clench my teeth and press my lips together. He pulls away.

"Open." He hisses. I shake my head. He slaps me, I gasp, and he wins. It's awful. I bite down. He jumps to his knees releasing my hands. There's blood in my mouth. I turn over and try to pull myself from under him. He pulls me back by my hair.

"what the fuck was that." He spits at me. I wince. "What the fuck were you thinking?" He punches me in the jaw. I hold my stinging face. Then he hits me again. I feel like I'm ten years old and my father is beating me. Then he stops, I glance up to see him stand. he brings his leg back and forces it into my stomach. I yelp out in pain.

"You make one more noise and I'll kill you." I nod and cover my mouth with my hands, holding back any cries.

Mr. Hale kicks me and I can feel my ribs about to give.

I can only hope Gideon will come in to get me. He has to have noticed that I have been gone awhile. Or maybe he is trying to trust me a little more. He is letting me stay so long in here because he wants me to trust him. But I already trust him, doesn't he know

that. All I can do is think about anything else then what is happening to make what is really happening not real.

I sickening crack wakes be from my make believe. One of my ribs broke. I moan in pain.

Mr. Hale once again straddles my waist. His pressure on my ribs and stomach is excruciating. I moan again.

"Shh, pretty boy." Another kiss and I don't fight back. I let him kiss me; maybe things will just be easier if I let him do what he wants.

"You want to know why I killed all those people."

I shake my head.

"I saw how they would pick on you, and how you never fought back. I was just doing you a favor. So don't you thing I should get something in return?"

He reached for my belt and began to undo it.

"No, no no no, stop. Please stop!" I am almost yelling, it hurts to yell.

"Shut up."

"No! No stop!" He punches me. I lose my breath for a moment.

"Now no more talking."

"No!" I shout.

More punches.

"Reid?"

It sounds so far away.

I feel the weight of Mr. Hale leave me. I hear shouts. I think I'm going to pass out. The bathroom door opens and slams shut. I'm the only one in here. He's gone. I can't breath. I pull myself up and cry out in pain. I stumble back into the hand dryer, and then slide down the wall, with my knees to my chest.

"Spencer?"

The door opens again I shutter. I don't want anyone to see me like this.

"Oh God. Spencer." I can't tell who it is. Who ever it is comes close. I see others follow him.

"Spencer?" He reaches out toward me. I flinch away.

"P-please d-don't, don't t-touch me." I whisper. The man turns to the others.

"Leave now. Call an ambulance." The others rush out.

"Spencer its Jason. We're going to get you help okay."

"Gideon?"

"Yes."

"He, he came back. I didn't want to. I didn't."

"I know."

I begin to sob into my knees. Jason sits next to me. I jump away a bit.

"It's okay. He's gone now."

"What if he comes back?"

"I'll be here for you."

I let out a breath and winced in pain.

"What hurts?"

"My chest. I think he broke a rib."

"Okay. Anywhere else?"

"N-no." I lie.

"Where else." He saw right through it.

"Everywhere."

We sat in silence just knowing he was there was comfort enough.

The door opened. It was Emily.

"The paramedics are here."

"Thank you, send them in."

Two men and a woman entered the bathroom. I pushed my self into the wall. Gideon stood up. I didn't want him to leave. He went to the paramedics. At least he didn't leave me. He spoke quietly so that I couldn't hear but I knew what he was saying and I was thankful. The four of them came towards me, I melted into that wall.

"Spencer? Do you think you can stand up?" Jason asked.

"Y-ya."

I pushed on the wall and forced my legs to support my body. Jason placed a hand on my arm.

"No." I whimper. He imminently releases me. I start to shake.

"Shh Spencer your going to be alright." I can't look at him. Because nothing is going to be okay.

* * *

.

The paramedics took me to the hospital. I cried the whole ride there. They kept touching me, and I hated it. Gideon tried to tell them, but they didn't listen. They wrapped my chest and sat me up right in a bed. I felt like throwing up.

Gideon was there for me the whole time, just sitting by my side. I turned to him.

"Did they let him go?"

"Huh, oh yes there was not enough evidence to hold him for those murders."

"What about now do they have him now?"

"No."

"No? Why not he was going to rape me!" I yelled at him.

"Spencer," He was clam. "We don't know where he went."

"Oh." It's hardly a word. "I'm sorry."

"No you have nothing to be sorry about."

"But-"

"No you should be angry."

I nod. I am angry, angry that I couldn't save my self the second time. But there was something I could do to get him in prison.

"He killed those people."

"How do you know?"

"He told me. Said he did it for me. I never wanted that."

"I know you didn't."

"Why me?"

"I don't know, I don't know."

* * *

.

They found Mr. Hale and brought him in to the station. I was sitting across the room watching him. He saw me and blew a kiss at me. I flinched away and kept my

head down. I never wanted to see that face again.

"You're going to have to testify in court." Gideon told me.

"I know."

"Will you be able to do it?"

"If your there."

"I will be."

* * *

.

He was sent to prison for life. I testified in court. Mr. Hale jumped up and shouted at me.

"I did this for you! How can you say that?"

"I never wanted this! I never wanted to see you again!" I shouted right back.

He cried.

I almost laughed.

That man had made me cry too much without even seeing him for years. And I say two sentences to him and he breaks.

* * *

.

We went back to Virginia. It was a nice plane ride back. No one asked me any questions and I was thankful for that. I was able to clear my thoughts on that plane ride. I figured everything that I had done was stupid. Taking those drugs then trying to kill myself. It was stupid. My life was already bad why did I have to make it worse. Stupid and I'm a genius.

When I got back to my apartment I took the drugs that Tobias gave me and poured them down the drain.

Now nothing was going to drive me of the road.

* * *

thanks so much for reading i have one more chap! after this so hold on a little longer!

> 


	9. Shift epilog

Living With Mr. Alan was the best thing anyone has ever done for me. I loved living there. Lucy and Charlie were so gentle with me. They never yelled at me even when I did something wrong. Like when I was helping Lucy wash dishes and I dropped one. I gasped and backed away from her. I was waiting for her to hit me yell at me anything.

"It's okay. No big deal." she said softly and bent over to pick up the broken pieces. I just stared at her. Why wasn't she mad? She threw away the broken plate, and returned to washing the rest of the dishes. She rinsed another plate, then handed it to me. I didn't take it.

"Aren't you gonna dry it for me?"

"I don't want to break it." I whisper.

"You won't." She gives me the plate I dry it and place it with the others.

* * *

School became easier. Not many people picked on me anymore. Funny how things get around. Kyle and his friends stopped beating me up, which was nice. Nicole would eat lunch with me each day. She became my first friend. She would protect me from everything. She became like a second mother, well third.

I never went back to Mr. Hales room, and shortly after he left.

* * *

Charlie came in to my room on a Tuesday night, I knew something was going on.

"Spencer," he sigh. "your mother she's been admitted to-"

"I figured." I say softly, folding my hands on top of one another.

"You, you aren't surprised? No, of course your not surprised." He says shaking his head.

"No I knew about her, and I knew she was sick." I look away from him, trying to stop tears from forming.

"Yeah." Charlie says slowly.

"And I Know that I will most likely end up there to." I say as a tear or two fell, this did not go unnoticed by Charlie, he put a hand on my shoulder and I tried very hard not to flinch.

"Don't say that." He says sternly, then smiles, "That is something you don't know."

* * *

Charlie was right that was the one thing I couldn't know. Even if I read all the books I would never find out how I would turn out. He told me to live for myself and not to let statistics and science to get in my way of a good life. He taught me so much more about life in a few weeks then my real parent had in twelve years. I soon realized that Charlie and Lucy were my real parents, that they were the people I wanted to have always there for me.

After High school I went to many collages with support from Lucy and Charlie. I had been under the name of Spencer Alan for three years when I chose to take my birth fathers name.

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked me when I told him about me choice.

"Yes, It is who I am."

"No it's who you were. You don't have to take that name."

"But I want that name."

"Why?"

"Because I know I am better then that name and I am going to prove it." I said proud of my name. Charlie smiles at me with pride.

"I know you are, and I know you will."

* * *

When I was eighteen I met Gideon. He took me under his wing and I became a profiler. Something I had dreamed of. Once I had made it on the team I called Charlie and Lucy.

"I knew you would." Charlie said from over the phone.

"Yeah, and hows that?" I ask Charlie giving a small laugh.

"Because your my son." He says, and I can tell he's smiling.

I don't say anything, he had called me his son before but, this time it was so different.

"I'm proud of you Spencer." His voice cracks.

"Thanks dad." I say with tears strolling down my cheeks.

* * *

Hey y'all i decided to redo this chap a bit and make it at lest look better. So i hope u enjoy. and i'm posting a new story Turn Me Red, another Spencer fic, so if ur interested..... that one might take me longer to finish cuz i have lots of school going on at the moment, and applying to collages and paying for collages....ugh collages


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